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Numb (Naruto, Yondaime Hokage/Uchiha Shisui, #26)
Title: "Numb"
Author/Artist: yukari_rin
Pairing: Yondaime Hokage x Uchiha Shisui
Fandom: Naruto
Theme: #26, if only I could make you mine
Rating: T, just in case implications aren’t allowed in anything lower.
Notes: Part of this was actually the first draft of theme #30, but even though it wasn’t working for that theme I had to save it and so here it is, fleshed out for another one. Title is taken from the song of the same name by Linkin Park. I listened to the piano version of it on repeat while finishing it, and I never listen to music while writing. Here it is for you, should you be interested in where I got some inspiration for the fic from. Dedicated to espana.
Disclaimer: Naruto and related properties belong to Masashi Kishimoto and related parties.

"Numb"

Shisui shut the door soundlessly and let her eyes adjust to the dark room. It was something so unlike him, she thought, especially given the hour. At least he lived in one of the quieter districts, she sighed and made her way to his bedroom.

The light snoring she heard brought a small smile to her lips as she peeked into his room. His blanket was tangled around his legs, chest bare save for the white bandage wrapped around it. Shisui stepped closer to his bed, picking up the pillow that looked as if it had been thrown sometime during the night. She was close enough to see his eyes moving quickly behind his eyelids.

A bad dream, was it? She slowly reached down and slid one of her hands beneath the silky layer of bangs and touched his forehead. No fever, she calculated; he was simply reacting to the unpleasant images his subconscious was stringing together as he slept. (She wondered if his nightmares were anything like her own.)

She pulled her hand away, but he turned his head against her palm, and when her fingertips brushed his temple he lifted an arm to grab her wrist. "What time is it?" he mumbled, voice hoarse.

"Nearly noon. Are you all right?" she inquired.

He squeezed his eyes tightly before opening them, eyelids fluttering with the desire to stay closed. "Of what day?" he asked, equally groggily.

"Thursday - the second one of the month," she replied.

He brought his free hand up to wipe the sleep from his eyes, though he remained laying down. He blinked at the shade drawn over his window before turning to look at his partner. "Thanks. And sorry," he offered her, letting go of her wrist and kicking his blanket free from his legs.

Shisui sighed and tossed his pillow just above his head. He didn't flinch. (She felt her heart tighten a little bit.) "How much longer are you planning on moping? We've still got missions to complete."

"I'm not moping," he returned, looking back to his window.

"Don't be petulant," Shisui scolded, bending down to pick up his flak jacket and wiping the green material as if it was dirty.

She heard him groan as he finally sat up, holding his head. "I'm not in the mood, Shisui."

"Are you hung over?" she asked, surprised.

"No."

She let out her breath and draped his vest over the top of his dresser. "Still drunk?"

"No, Shisui. I'm just not in the mood for your vocabulary," he sighed in reply. He lifted his head enough to give her an apologetic glance. "I'm sorry, really, it's just... yesterday..."

"Yesterday is in the past, and while the outcome wasn't favorable for you, you had the opportunity to fight a strong opponent and can take the knowledge with you-"

"I know, Shisui. I know," his shoulders sagged.

Shisui bit her bottom lip in concern. In the past, she had never seen him take losing so poorly. "Then why are you acting like a child?" It came out more biting then she had meant it to, and she shook her head. The distance to his bed was covered quickly, and she sat on its edge, near enough to him that she could brush his blond hair off of his face.

"It's easier to make money as an ANBU," was all he told her, not meeting her eyes.

Rank had always mattered somewhat to him, she knew, but it was slightly easier to become an ANBU then it was to progress through the other ranks, because each village was allowed to pick their own ANBU. He could simply speak to the Third and reapply. She watched him for a moment and then gazed around his room. All in all, it was cleaner than it usually was. She noticed the brightly colored lamp shades had been changed to darker ones, and the implications came together. She removed her hand from his face and folded her hands in her lap.

Aware of the change in her movements and her sudden silence he leaned his forehead against hers. (She always was smarter than him, after all.) “Shisui, I will become an ANBU, and when I do-”

She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her lips forcefully against his own, not wanting him to continue. If he finished that sentence, she’d have to give him an answer there, unable to let him hope that-

“No, Shisui, I need to say this, whether you want to hear it or not.” He drew back and lifted his large calloused hands to hold her face so she couldn’t look away. Scooting closer to her on the rumbled blue sheet Shisui felt her heartbeat quicken and wondered if he could hear it. She wanted to keep her eyes closed, she knew if she looked into his eyes she wouldn’t be able to fight as she should (’even my eyes are no match against his’ she gave up in her mind as she slowly brought her black eyes to his impossibly blue eyes.

‘It’s too late’, she heard herself say, but she wasn’t sure if it was out loud or to herself. but too late for what? Refusing? Accepting? With him, she could never tell.

“Shisui,” his voice brought her back to the present. He swallowed and as if it was a reflex she did as well. He noticed and let out a soft chuckle. “We’ve never made anything clear, have we?”

“No,” he voice was quiet.

“I’m going to change that once I become an ANBU. I decided that years ago.”

“Years?”

He smiled bashfully and rubbed her cheeks with his thumbs. “More than you’d think, actually.” There went another piece of her heart, never to be returned. “And only then do I want your reply. Promise me to actually think about it, Shisui. What you want, and not what your family tells you to want.” The words cut into her heart. He knew how she struggled with her clan’s ideals more and more lately (ever since-) and she resented trusting him so much. “Promise me, Shisui,” his voice was urgent.

“I will,” she vowed quietly, letting herself fall forward against his chest to meet his lips once more. His hands traveled down her neck and arms, sliding onto her slim waist and bringing her closer to him. The cotton bandages around his torso hid his skin from her, but she could still feel the heat radiating from his body. Her long fingers splayed out across the strips, touching tenderly, knowing that his wounds would heal without too much scarring. They crept up his body and hooked over his shoulders, digging in as he pulled her down to lie beside him. His lips parted from hers and trailed down her throat, pressing against her pulse.

Her mind was racing as fast as her heart. She should stop, she should stop, she should stop - but she wanted so desperately to not be who she was so that she could have him the way lovers should have each other. She buried her face into his hair, breathing in his scent. Everything about him was so familiar to her, his body on hers more natural to her than anything.

But there was no way. She had promised to think about her reply, but thinking about it wouldn’t change her answer. The one she had decided on when she first realized he wasn’t the idiot teammate he once was. She squeezed her eyes shut as tight as possible, but failed in keeping the tears from falling.

Her mind was made up, though, and she didn’t protest as the day turned to dusk and she hadn’t left his side. Not even the messenger bird tapping on the his bedroom window (Sandaime had sent it, as Shisui had said, there were missions to be done.) disturbed them.

He was sleeping again, breathing through his nose as he rested his head on the curve of her spine, one hand nestled between her stomach and the sheets resting over her heart. As if he was trying to claim it. As if he already knew what she’d tell him.